The signing of the Will was a much shorter matter than I had
anticipated. It was hurried over, to my thinking, in indecent haste.
Samuel, the footman, was sent for to act as second witness--and the pen
was put at once into my aunt's hand. I felt strongly urged to say a
few appropriate words on this solemn occasion. But Mr. Bruff's manner
convinced me that it was wisest to check the impulse while he was in the
room. In less than two minutes it was all over--and Samuel (unbenefited
by what I might have said) had gone downstairs again.
Mr. Bruff folded up the Will, and then looked my way; apparently
wondering whether I did or did not mean to leave him alone with my aunt.
I had my mission of mercy to fulfil, and my bag of precious publications
ready on my lap. He might as well have expected to move St. Paul's
Cathedral by looking at it, as to move Me. There was one merit about him
(due no doubt to his worldly training) which I have no wish to deny.
He was quick at seeing things. I appeared to produce almost the same
impression on him which I had produced on the cabman. HE too uttered
a profane expression, and withdrew in a violent hurry, and left me
mistress of the field.
As soon as we were alone, my aunt reclined on the sofa, and then
alluded, with some appearance of confusion, to the subject of her Will.
"I hope you won't think yourself neglected, Drusilla," she said. "I mean
to GIVE you your little legacy, my dear, with my own hand."
Here was a golden opportunity! I seized it on the spot. In other words,
I instantly opened my bag, and took out the top publication. It proved
to be an early edition--only the twenty-fifth--of the famous anonymous
work (believed to be by precious Miss Bellows), entitled THE SERPENT AT
HOME. The design of the book--with which the worldly reader may not be
acquainted--is to show how the Evil One lies in wait for us in all the
most apparently innocent actions of our daily lives. The chapters best
adapted to female perusal are "Satan in the Hair Brush;" "Satan behind
the Looking Glass;" "Satan under the Tea Table;" "Satan out of the
Window'--and many others.
"Give your attention, dear aunt, to this precious book--and you will
give me all I ask." With those words, I handed it to her open, at a
marked passage--one continuous burst of burning eloquence! Subject:
Satan among the Sofa Cushions.
Poor Lady Verinder (reclining thoughtlessly on her own sofa cushions)
glanced at the book, and handed it back to me looking more confused than
ever.
"I'm afraid, Drusilla," she said, "I must wait till I am a little
better, before I can read that. The doctor----"
The moment she mentioned the doctor's name, I knew what was coming.
Over and over again in my past experience among my perishing
fellow-creatures, the members of the notoriously infidel profession
of Medicine had stepped between me and my mission of mercy--on
the miserable pretence that the patient wanted quiet, and that the
disturbing influence of all others which they most dreaded, was the
influence of Miss Clack and her Books. Precisely the same blinded
materialism (working treacherously behind my back) now sought to rob me
of the only right of property that my poverty could claim--my right of
spiritual property in my perishing aunt.
"The doctor tells me," my poor misguided relative went on, "that I am
not so well to-day. He forbids me to see any strangers; and he orders
me, if I read at all, only to read the lightest and the most amusing
books. 'Do nothing, Lady Verinder, to weary your head, or to quicken
your pulse'--those were his last words, Drusilla, when he left me
to-day."
There was no help for it but to yield again--for the moment only, as
before. Any open assertion of the infinitely superior importance of such
a ministry as mine, compared with the ministry of the medical man, would
only have provoked the doctor to practise on the human weakness of his
patient, and to threaten to throw up the case. Happily, there are more
ways than one of sowing the good seed, and few persons are better versed
in those ways than myself.
"You might feel stronger, dear, in an hour or two," I said. "Or you
might wake, to-morrow morning, with a sense of something wanting, and
even this unpretending volume might be able to supply it. You will let
me leave the book, aunt? The doctor can hardly object to that!"
I slipped it under the sofa cushions, half in, and half out, close by
her handkerchief, and her smelling-bottle. Every time her hand searched
for either of these, it would touch the book; and, sooner or later
(who knows?) the book might touch HER. After making this arrangement, I
thought it wise to withdraw. "Let me leave you to repose, dear aunt; I
will call again to-morrow." I looked accidentally towards the window as
I said that. It was full of flowers, in boxes and pots. Lady Verinder
was extravagantly fond of these perishable treasures, and had a habit of
rising every now and then, and going to look at them and smell them. A
new idea flashed across my mind. "Oh! may I take a flower?" I said--and
got to the window unsuspected, in that way. Instead of taking away a
flower, I added one, in the shape of another book from my bag, which
I left, to surprise my aunt, among the geraniums and roses. The happy
thought followed, "Why not do the same for her, poor dear, in every
other room that she enters?" I immediately said good-bye; and, crossing
the hall, slipped into the library. Samuel, coming up to let me out,
and supposing I had gone, went down-stairs again. On the library table
I noticed two of the "amusing books" which the infidel doctor had
recommended. I instantly covered them from sight with two of my own
precious publications. In the breakfast-room I found my aunt's favourite
canary singing in his cage. She was always in the habit of feeding
the bird herself. Some groundsel was strewed on a table which stood
immediately under the cage. I put a book among the groundsel. In the
drawing-room I found more cheering opportunities of emptying my bag. My
aunt's favourite musical pieces were on the piano. I slipped in two more
books among the music. I disposed of another in the back drawing-room,
under some unfinished embroidery, which I knew to be of Lady Verinder's
working. A third little room opened out of the back drawing-room, from
which it was shut off by curtains instead of a door. My aunt's plain
old-fashioned fan was on the chimney-piece. I opened my ninth book at a
very special passage, and put the fan in as a marker, to keep the place.
The question then came, whether I should go higher still, and try the
bed-room floor--at the risk, undoubtedly, of being insulted, if the
person with the cap-ribbons happened to be in the upper regions of the
house, and to find me put. But oh, what of that? It is a poor Christian
that is afraid of being insulted. I went upstairs, prepared to bear
anything. All was silent and solitary--it was the servants' tea-time,
I suppose. My aunt's room was in front. The miniature of my late dear
uncle, Sir John, hung on the wall opposite the bed. It seemed to smile
at me; it seemed to say, "Drusilla! deposit a book." There were tables
on either side of my aunt's bed. She was a bad sleeper, and wanted, or
thought she wanted, many things at night. I put a book near the matches
on one side, and a book under the box of chocolate drops on the other.
Whether she wanted a light, or whether she wanted a drop, there was a
precious publication to meet her eye, or to meet her hand, and to say
with silent eloquence, in either case, "Come, try me! try me!" But one
book was now left at the bottom of my bag, and but one apartment was
still unexplored--the bath-room, which opened out of the bed-room. I
peeped in; and the holy inner voice that never deceives, whispered to
me, "You have met her, Drusilla, everywhere else; meet her at the bath,
and the work is done." I observed a dressing-gown thrown across a chair.
It had a pocket in it, and in that pocket I put my last book. Can words
express my exquisite sense of duty done, when I had slipped out of the
house, unsuspected by any of them, and when I found myself in the street
with my empty bag under my arm? Oh, my worldly friends, pursuing the
phantom, Pleasure, through the guilty mazes of Dissipation, how easy it
is to be happy, if you will only be good!
When I folded up my things that night--when I reflected on the true
riches which I had scattered with such a lavish hand, from top to bottom
of the house of my wealthy aunt--I declare I felt as free from all
anxiety as if I had been a child again. I was so light-hearted that I
sang a verse of the Evening Hymn. I was so light-hearted that I fell
asleep before I could sing another. Quite like a child again! quite like
a child again!
So I passed that blissful night. On rising the next morning, how young I
felt! I might add, how young I looked, if I were capable of dwelling on
the concerns of my own perishable body. But I am not capable--and I add
nothing.
Towards luncheon time--not for the sake of the creature-comforts, but
for the certainty of finding dear aunt--I put on my bonnet to go to
Montagu Square. Just as I was ready, the maid at the lodgings in which I
then lived looked in at the door, and said, "Lady Verinder's servant, to
see Miss Clack."
I occupied the parlour-floor, at that period of my residence in London.
The front parlour was my sitting-room. Very small, very low in the
ceiling, very poorly furnished--but, oh, so neat! I looked into the
passage to see which of Lady Verinder's servants had asked for me. It
was the young footman, Samuel--a civil fresh-coloured person, with a
teachable look and a very obliging manner. I had always felt a spiritual
interest in Samuel, and a wish to try him with a few serious words. On
this occasion, I invited him into my sitting-room.
He came in, with a large parcel under his arm. When he put the parcel
down, it appeared to frighten him. "My lady's love, Miss; and I was to
say that you would find a letter inside." Having given that message, the
fresh-coloured young footman surprised me by looking as if he would have
liked to run away.
I detained him to make a few kind inquiries. Could I see my aunt, if I
called in Montagu Square? No; she had gone out for a drive. Miss Rachel
had gone with her, and Mr. Ablewhite had taken a seat in the carriage,
too. Knowing how sadly dear Mr. Godfrey's charitable work was in arrear,
I thought it odd that he should be going out driving, like an idle man.
I stopped Samuel at the door, and made a few more kind inquiries. Miss
Rachel was going to a ball that night, and Mr. Ablewhite had arranged to
come to coffee, and go with her. There was a morning concert advertised
for to-morrow, and Samuel was ordered to take places for a large party,
including a place for Mr. Ablewhite. "All the tickets may be gone,
Miss," said this innocent youth, "if I don't run and get them at once!"
He ran as he said the words--and I found myself alone again, with some
anxious thoughts to occupy me.
We had a special meeting of the Mothers'-Small-Clothes-Conversion
Society that night, summoned expressly with a view to obtaining
Mr. Godfrey's advice and assistance. Instead of sustaining
our sisterhood, under an overwhelming flow of Trousers which
quite prostrated our little community, he had arranged to take
coffee in Montagu Square, and to goto a ball afterwards!
The afternoon of the next day had been selected for the Festival of the
British-Ladies'-Servants'-Sunday-Sweetheart-Supervision Society. Instead
of being present, the life and soul of that struggling Institution, he
had engaged to make one of a party of worldlings at a morning concert!
I asked myself what did it mean? Alas! it meant that our Christian Hero
was to reveal himself to me in a new character, and to become associated
in my mind with one of the most awful backslidings of modern times.
To return, however, to the history of the passing day. On finding myself
alone in my room, I naturally turned my attention to the parcel which
appeared to have so strangely intimidated the fresh-coloured young
footman. Had my aunt sent me my promised legacy? and had it taken the
form of cast-off clothes, or worn-out silver spoons, or unfashionable
jewellery, or anything of that sort? Prepared to accept all, and to
resent nothing, I opened the parcel--and what met my view? The twelve
precious publications which I had scattered through the house, on the
previous day; all returned to me by the doctor's orders! Well might the
youthful Samuel shrink when he brought his parcel into my room! Well
might he run when he had performed his miserable errand! As to my
aunt's letter, it simply amounted, poor soul, to this--that she dare not
disobey her medical man.
What was to be done now? With my training and my principles, I never had
a moment's doubt.
Once self-supported by conscience, once embarked on a career of manifest
usefulness, the true Christian never yields. Neither public nor private
influences produce the slightest effect on us, when we have once got our
mission. Taxation may be the consequence of a mission; riots may be the
consequence of a mission; wars may be the consequence of a mission: we
go on with our work, irrespective of every human consideration which
moves the world outside us. We are above reason; we are beyond ridicule;
we see with nobody's eyes, we hear with nobody's ears, we feel with
nobody's hearts, but our own. Glorious, glorious privilege! And how is
it earned? Ah, my friends, you may spare yourselves the useless inquiry!
We are the only people who can earn it--for we are the only people who
are always right.
In the case of my misguided aunt, the form which pious perseverance was
next to take revealed itself to me plainly enough.
Preparation by clerical friends had failed, owing to Lady Verinder's
own reluctance. Preparation by books had failed, owing to the doctor's
infidel obstinacy. So be it! What was the next thing to try? The next
thing to try was--Preparation by Little Notes. In other words, the books
themselves having been sent back, select extracts from the books, copied
by different hands, and all addressed as letters to my aunt, were, some
to be sent by post, and some to be distributed about the house on the
plan I had adopted on the previous day. As letters they would excite no
suspicion; as letters they would be opened--and, once opened, might be
read. Some of them I wrote myself. "Dear aunt, may I ask your attention
to a few lines?" &c. "Dear aunt, I was reading last night, and I chanced
on the following passage," &c. Other letters were written for me by my
valued fellow-workers, the sisterhood at the Mothers'-Small-Clothes.
"Dear madam, pardon the interest taken in you by a true, though humble,
friend." "Dear madam, may a serious person surprise you by saying a
few cheering words?" Using these and other similar forms of courteous
appeal, we reintroduced all my precious passages under a form which not
even the doctor's watchful materialism could suspect. Before the shades
of evening had closed around us, I had a dozen awakening letters for
my aunt, instead of a dozen awakening books. Six I made immediate
arrangements for sending through the post, and six I kept in my pocket
for personal distribution in the house the next day.
Soon after two o'clock I was again on the field of pious conflict,
addressing more kind inquiries to Samuel at Lady Verinder's door.
My aunt had had a bad night. She was again in the room in which I had
witnessed her Will, resting on the sofa, and trying to get a little
sleep.
I said I would wait in the library, on the chance of seeing her. In the
fervour of my zeal to distribute the letters, it never occurred to me to
inquire about Rachel. The house was quiet, and it was past the hour at
which the musical performance began. I took it for granted that she and
her party of pleasure-seekers (Mr. Godfrey, alas! included) were all at
the concert, and eagerly devoted myself to my good work, while time and
opportunity were still at my own disposal.
My aunt's correspondence of the morning--including the six awakening
letters which I had posted overnight--was lying unopened on the library
table. She had evidently not felt herself equal to dealing with a large
mass of letters--and she might be daunted by the number of them, if she
entered the library later in the day. I put one of my second set of
six letters on the chimney-piece by itself; leaving it to attract her
curiosity, by means of its solitary position, apart from the rest. A
second letter I put purposely on the floor in the breakfast-room. The
first servant who went in after me would conclude that my aunt had
dropped it, and would be specially careful to restore it to her. The
field thus sown on the basement story, I ran lightly upstairs to scatter
my mercies next over the drawing-room floor.
Just as I entered the front room, I heard a double knock at the
street-door--a soft, fluttering, considerate little knock. Before I
could think of slipping back to the library (in which I was supposed
to be waiting), the active young footman was in the hall, answering the
door. It mattered little, as I thought. In my aunt's state of health,
visitors in general were not admitted. To my horror and amazement, the
performer of the soft little knock proved to be an exception to
general rules. Samuel's voice below me (after apparently answering some
questions which I did not hear) said, unmistakably, "Upstairs, if
you please, sir." The next moment I heard footsteps--a man's
footsteps--approaching the drawing-room floor. Who could this favoured
male visitor possibly be? Almost as soon as I asked myself the question,
the answer occurred to me. Who COULD it be but the doctor?
In the case of any other visitor, I should have allowed myself to be
discovered in the drawing-room. There would have been nothing out of the
common in my having got tired of the library, and having gone upstairs
for a change. But my own self-respect stood in the way of my meeting the
person who had insulted me by sending me back my books. I slipped into
the little third room, which I have mentioned as communicating with
the back drawing-room, and dropped the curtains which closed the open
doorway. If I only waited there for a minute or two, the usual result
in such cases would take place. That is to say, the doctor would be
conducted to his patient's room.
I waited a minute or two, and more than a minute or two. I heard the
visitor walking restlessly backwards and forwards. I also heard him
talking to himself. I even thought I recognised the voice. Had I made
a mistake? Was it not the doctor, but somebody else? Mr. Bruff, for
instance? No! an unerring instinct told me it was not Mr. Bruff. Whoever
he was, he was still talking to himself. I parted the heavy curtains the
least little morsel in the world, and listened.
The words I heard were, "I'll do it to-day!" And the voice that spoke
them was Mr. Godfrey Ablewhite's.